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She writes about how her weight affects her career (the more famous she becomes, the more viciously she is mocked for it), her friendships and her love life. She writes about the determined exercise and dieting that help her take off substantial amounts of weight - and about the ways she puts it back on. Hunger recounts not just how Gay became obese but how the world treats her because of what she calls her "unruly body." She writes piercingly about everyday humiliations, small and large.
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If I was undesirable, I could keep more hurt away." I understood, from the way I saw people stare at fat people, from the way I stared at fat people, that too much weight was undesirable. I could become more solid, stronger, safer. Instead of asking for protection, she looked for a way to protect herself: "What I did know was food, so I ate because I understood that I could take up more space. "Of all the things I wish I knew then that I know now," Gay writes, "I wish I had known I could talk to my parents and get help." But like so many victims of sexual assault she felt ashamed, and she kept the secret for years.
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The rape turned that child's world upside down, and she had no idea how to deal with it. Gay and her brothers were beloved, healthy, high-achieving kids. Her parents were immigrants from Haiti, her father a successful civil engineer, her mother a stay-at-home mom. Before it, she was "a good Catholic girl" growing up in a Midwestern suburb. That assault is the dividing line in her life. She knows exactly when and why she got fat: at age 12, after she was brutally gang-raped, a crime organized by a boy she thought was her friend. Our culture ruthlessly shames fat people, Gay writes, and makes assumptions about why they're fat: that they're lazy, stupid, self-indulgent, even immoral. Roxane Gay is the author of the essay collection Bad Feminist, which was a New York Times bestseller the novel An Untamed State, a finalist for the Dayton Peace Prize the memoir Hunger, which was a New York Times bestseller and received a National Book Critics Circle citation and the short story collections Difficult Women and Ayiti. In Hunger, she fearlessly delves into why we react that way - and why she got that way in the first place. She begins the book by describing a consultation some years ago at a bariatric surgery clinic when she was at her top weight: 577 pounds.ĭid you flinch when you read that? She knows you did. With the bracing candor, vulnerability, and power that have made her one of the most admired writers of her generation, Roxane explores what it means to learn to take care of yourself: how to feed your hungers for delicious and satisfying food, a smaller and safer body, and a body that can love and be loved-in a time when the bigger you are, the smaller your world becomes.Make no mistake, Gay writes, she is not a little overweight, carrying an extra 20 or 30 pounds on her 6-foot-3 frame. In Hunger, she explores her past-including the devastating act of violence that acted as a turning point in her young life-and brings readers along on her journey to understand and ultimately save herself. As a woman who describes her own body as “wildly undisciplined,” Roxane understands the tension between desire and denial, between self-comfort and self-care. In her phenomenally popular essays and long-running Tumblr blog, Roxane Gay has written with intimacy and sensitivity about food and body, using her own emotional and psychological struggles as a means of exploring our shared anxieties over pleasure, consumption, appearance, and health.
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I was trapped in my body, one that I barely recognized or understood, but at least I was safe.” I tried to erase every memory of her, but she is still there, somewhere. I buried the girl I was because she ran into all kinds of trouble.
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“I ate and ate and ate in the hopes that if I made myself big, my body would be safe. From the New York Times bestselling author of Bad Feminist: a searingly honest memoir of food, weight, self-image, and learning how to feed your hunger while taking care of yourself.